Q: Hey, so, are you guys getting married?
A: Yes. No. Wait, define "married."
Q: Are you having a ceremony involving rituals meant to symbolize the uniting of two into one? With rings? And a white dress?
A: Yes.
Q: Are you inviting lots of your friends and most of your family, renting a venue and having it catered, and will there be dancing and photos and merriment of all kinds?
A: YES!
Q: After this event will you consider yourselves a family in your own eyes and the eyes of those you hold dear? Will you be promising to stay together for the rest of your lives? Are you as in love with each other as you could imagine being?
A: Yes, yes, yes!
Q: Are getting legally married?
A: Nope.
Q: Why not?
A: Many reasons. We don't feel ok being part of an institution in which not all of our friends and family could participate- or ourselves, if we had fallen in love with people of the same gender as us. We don't plan on getting legally married as long as same-sex marriage is not legal across the U.S.
We discussed it for a long time and decided that the important part of marriage is not the paperwork that you sign with the federal government.
We don't go to weddings because we're excited about the new couple's tax status. We go to these things to see a couple declare their love and devotion, maybe to welcome them into the family, and then dance and drink and eat and wear fancy clothes. And we aim to do just that.
Q: What about your legal rights?
A: We know that we are passing up a lot of legal rights, but this is the choice we are making and we ask you to respect it. We are talking to a lawyer and are going to sign a bunch of paperwork to get what rights we can and everything will be ok.
Q: Ok. But wait, is this a wedding? Or a commitment ceremony? Or a party?
A: It is whatever you wanna call it. We change it depending on our mood. Just come and have fun, ok?
